“ I used to be quite content with being an anti-social loner, but every now and again there came a time when i got the urge for company other than the voices in my head.If i liked cats i would have been the sort of person who had about 20 of them, and who was known in the local area as being the 'crazy cat woman' (the yoof are so ingenious with giving comedic, derogatory names, dontcha think?) Said yoof would also have tormented me mercilessly and made up songs about the fact i smelt of cat urine (and possibly almost human urine - who knows how much longer i will remain fully continent?) But as it is, thankfully i dislike cats, so i am not easy pickings for the local thugs. (To all you feline lovers out there - and God knows i expect to get hate mail for revealing my dislike of cats; it seems that you can post racist, bigoted, hate filled guff on Gumtree without contest but one word against cats and PETA protesters are kicking down your door and waving flaming torches and pitchforks in your face - anyway, my dislike of cats is mutual. If i were to die they would have no hesitation in eating my face. Cats really do eat you - i know someone it happened to. She's only got one ear now. Why would i want to put myself at risk of that happening?)Despite being known in certain circles for my anti-socialness and loner-isms, there are rare occasions when my face almost cracks with the effort of smiling, and it is then that i would like to have the company of some new friends.However, almost better than a cat is the fact that i now have a very young baby to stroke, tell off for scratching the furniture, de-flea and catch mice for me.I won't use the old cliche about working hard and playing hard - mainly because the playing hard bit is a damn lie, and i'm currently on maternity leave from my job - but my baby keeps me on my toes, as well as giving me sleepless nights, and it might be kinda nice to force someone to listen to me moan and moan and moan after a hard day of playing at motherhood. Ok, so i won't really do the moaning bit - i'll just do what i always do when stressed - autoerotic asphyxiation is a great stress reliever y'know. Profile tradition dictates that i tell you a bit about myself, so who am i to buck a trend that is obviously so successful?I'm 31, female, employed (usually), a fairly typical Aries in that i don't suffer fools gladly, i'm not in Mensa - (although don't they let just anyone into Mensa anyway? A 2 year old!) - however, i'm reasonably intelligent on some things and a complete moron on others, i'm independent and tend to march to the beat of my own drum (despite the fact i don't buck trends, oh no, not even I am that foolhardy). I have a fairly dry, sarcastic sense of humour - and anyone who says sarcasm is the lowest form of wit just doesn't understand it. Of couse i'm a funny person, but i don't want to give away all my best material in this ad or i'll have nothing to say when we meet.Another tradition is to say that i like 'all the usual stuff', but i'll expand only ever so slightly and say that i may very well like some of 'the usual stuff', whatever that may be, but i find in my golden years that i have become intolerant of overcrowded nightclubs with rubbish music, sticky carpets and extortionately over-priced, watered down drinks - and don't get me started on the toilets in these places...Toilet attendants! I'm not paying you to pass me a paper towel when i'm more than capable of getting my own. And lollipops? In the toilets? You dirty, unhygienic buggers.So, yeah, i'll do nightclubs, but usually only when i'm so paralytic i can't feel my feet.I'm not looking for a BFF (bestfriend forever). OMG! WTF?? It would simply be nice to meet people i may not have the opportunity to meet in my normal, everyday life. There is no small print here...I don't expect you to share my interests, or come from a similar background or be a certain race, age, height, weight etc etc. I don't care if you're male, female or a hermaphrodite.All i would ask is that you're not a complete ned/chav and/or a tosser (see what i did there? I pretended there was no small print, then cunningly slipped it in).My main motivtation for posting this ad is that maternity leave and motherhood has been a complete shock to the system, and whilst my baby is completely and utterly the apple of my eye, it would be nice to rediscover 'me' again. So, it would be nice to meet other parents with babies to meet up with in the daytime, but it would also be great to meet people for un-baby stuff, such as evening and weekend meals and drinking, etc etc, and for me to have the midlife crisis which i've been threatening to have for the past couple of years now.P.S. Am not advocating autoerotic asphyxiation - remember Michael Hutchence.;-) ”
